Where do I start?
I guess you could say I'm feeling stressed. This is not a new thing. It comes in waves. Something makes me really anxious and I find a way to deal with it. I think I can manage this. I keep going along with my head above water until something new stresses me out and I cannot deal anymore. The cycle repeats.
I'm sure that there are people out there with a lot worse problems than me. For this reason I feel like my feelings are not justified. And to be honest, some of these things I stress over are not even my problems to worry about, but I am an overly empathetic person and just because these are not my problems, doesn't mean that they don't affect me.
I think that I shouldn't stress. I try to relax. I came up with all these new things to help me relax. I used to go walking every day by myself, I'd go for a relaxing drive, I tried facing some of my fears (to be honest, they didn't really feel like fears anymore, I think I just stopped caring), I tried to find a way to laugh more, I started drinking more often... Yes these things do help slightly, but they don't make me feel any less alone and they certainly don't fix any of the problems that I have.
I'm not going to go into depth about things here. This is not a diary. I don't want people to feel sorry for me or to try and fix anything. Most of these things are out of my control. I feel like it doesn't matter what I do, I will never be able to get people see me for who I am or see anything from my perspective. I feel "stuck" at this point.
What I would like, is for people to stop being so cruel to each other, for people to stop expecting people to change completely, for people to understand that some people don't share all of their problems, And for people to start appreciating others before their life is over. I know none of these things are going to happen, though I feel like the songs in this playlist have really helped me to put up with some of these dramas. They are not cheery songs, but the kind of songs that really make sense when things aren't going great.
I decided to post this because I thought maybe these songs could help someone else feel like they are not alone.
1. 'The Bends' by Radiohead
"Where do we go from here?
The words are coming out all weird.
Where are you now when I need you?"
2. 'Ask Me Anything' by The Strokes
"I've got nothing to give.
I've got no reason to live,
But I'd fight to survive.
I've got nothing to hide.
I wish I wasn't so shy."
3. 'Fear and Loathing' by Marina and the Diamonds
"I want to feel like I am floating,
Instead of constantly exploding
In Fear and Loathing"
4. 'Pursuit of Hapiness' by Lissie (Kid Cudi cover)
"I'm on the pursuit of happiness and
I know that everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold.
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good."
5. 'Read My Mind' by The Killers
"It's funny how you just break down,
Waitin on some sign"
6. 'Can't Stop' by The Red Hot Chili Peppers
"This life is more than just a read-through"
7. 'Bizarre Love Triangle' by New Order
"I feel fine and I feel good.
I'm feeling like I never should"
8. 'Love Profusion' by Madonna
" There are too many options.
There is not consolation.
I have lost my illusions.
What I want is an explanation."
9. 'The Tiger Inside Will Eat The Child' by Kate Miller-Heidke
"The minute you think you know you got it,
Is the minute you know it's gone for good."
"I won't be the one who's going to let you down.
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around"
To me these songs are great, because I feel like someone has perfectly articulated some of my own thoughts and feelings. Even if originally the songs might not be relating to the kinds of situations I'm experiencing, I feel like the artists who wrote them really understand the way that I feel. I hope my next playlist post can be a little more positive.
I also thought I would like to make a special thank you to any of the lovely people in my life who are reading this; My parents, my far away friends and anyone who's ever actually treated me like I mattered (those who have invited me to things etc). I really appreciate you guys and I think I'd be a lot worse off by now if I didn't have you.
May tomorrow be a brighter day.
Your Favourite Cynical Blogger,